Screwed

So this not nice customer came in today with a screw broken off in his weed wacker. He wanted to get a new screw, however finding the size is a challenge when the screw is broken off filling the hole. As I was trying to tell him I needed to get a wrench to remove it's neighboring screw, which as logic would say should be the same size, he got mad. 

Then the yelling began, " what do you think I'm stupid, I just want a f ing screw I don't want you to take my shit apart". Yes this escalated, he threw screws, in the end when the police came, he threw the weed wacker too. I guess now that he threw it he doesn't need a new screw, just a whole new tool, because he is a tool. 

Ghastly gardens

Ahh more drunk people shopping today. It does make more sense to me to be day drinking on a weekend though. It truly is an art to consume throughout the day without getting too tanked so you can make it past dinner. 

My store had a big green egg demo today.  For those of you who don't know what a green egg is, your not missing too much. It's a ceramic grill/ smoker that costs more than your first car. They are cool if your into it and use it, mainly ppl just buy them to look cool with their rich buddies. Anywho, these eggs get hott and maintain their heat. People laugh when I say we need to put up signs that say do not touch caliente. I saw several inebriated customers offer to bring beer into the parking lot if they could throw their burgers on the flame. The one gentleman was rather insisting and started to lean over tword the hot egg to use it to steady himself. The vendor rep from green eggs face was hilarious," like danger no burning flesh on the 1,000 grill you might tip it over with your tonnage".

Other things of note today revolve on the lack of plants. I told them order more, they don't listen. People get rather defensive on their flower picks for their yard, like the nfl draft. Will this plant be the winning combo? Combos I've seen  do look more like a tornado than a winning team. take a lesson from me people I know what works, don't try and match marigolds with pink petunias in a pot. it will not be the World Series team from money ball it will look like your garbage can after a kids birthday party. Stick with classics and if you want to switch it up ask me, not colorblind aunt Betsy.  

Call me crazy, I know I am, at least I'm not drunk

So, next time I decide to go work retail will someone please remind me not to do it. Sure, working fewer hours is enticing and in the slow season it's an easy job. Come the beginning of May please shoot me. 

Doing the garden center thing can be nice. I know plants and I really can help with all sorts of yard troubles, but refrain from shopping when your smashed. Too many drunk people buy lighter fluid and charcoal for anything to be remotely safe. Not to mention the wasted people cutting through the parking lot to go buy beer at jewel.

Today while loading 40lb bags of shit, yes it is literally shit of the cow manure type, I was nearly smooshed by a Corsica. Followed closely by a guy from Colorado who backed into my sign and an 8 ft tall stack of mulch bags. Colorado guy must have brought some good pot with him, and totally wouldn't share, I asked. Don't worry although he was high as a kite he did help with the mulch disaster by buying 15 bags he hit and some propane, ya know you need more fire when you get the munchies. 

Must end retail nightmare, or maybe just add some rum to my diet Pepsi so I can be as loaded as the shoppers/ the manager of the plumbing department. 

Mopeing or mopping

, With the unrelenting snow here in the Midwest we have all experienced the dirty floor dilemma. Walk in from the snow with wet shoes and make the floor dirty, wash floor, repeat, fact of life. 

 Fitting my retail hours in with my other jobbie job I tend to work at night and I end up mopping the floor at work. It is by no means my passion to create clean floors, just part of the job. I have observed there are 3 kinds of walkers on wet floors. 

1. The over cautious I'm so sorry I'm walking on your clean floor. 

2. The why are you in my way I'm walking here. 

3. And the no attention whatsoever slip and fall on there butt on the wet floor.  

Alas as long as no one falls and I have to mop up blood I don't care. A few days ago I learned the strangest thing; apparently, I have been incorrectly mopping for quite some time. I was under the impression that clean water and soap were the key to cleaning floors. I am not supposed to use any soap in the water, because all soap type products ruin the wax on the tile. 

 For some reason smearing dirt in circles with dirty water seems counterintuitive. And using floor cleaning products made for waxed tile would make sense. But what do I know, I am just a plebe. 

It all should be called crazy glue

Customers are bonkers no matter what store you work at. Recently I had a winner. A customer was looking for some glue they had purchased last year. It was a specific glue that was super strong and came in a 4 pack and was a dollar. 

People often share the joys of their purchase and the great ways a product has made their life easier. Many are off the wall, but the extraordinary powers of this glue are astonishing. Not only is there great value, but it is resilient and water resistant. 

What is the great claim for this glue? Well he used it to glue his tooth back in. 

Back, back in the retail mood

So... I'm still doing the teaching thing. Phenomenal job, best in the world!! 

I have picked up my name tag again and gone back to the world of hardware. I don't work as much as I did at the big box, so my sanity has yet to leave me. I'm doing some flower sales and since it's winter here I'm doing the snow removal and Xmas stuffs. Working locally has huge benefit and I don't feel as though I sell my soul with each screw. 

I haven't even had a single customer take a crap in the aisle or show me their weapon. Maybe after the first of the year with the conceal and carry law I'll get more of that 😉 

So watch out internets, I'm back at the blogging. 

And Merry Grinchmas to you too Mr!

With the holiday season in full swing everyone in retail is at their wits end just waiting for the calm of January. My loverly yob has decided for the past few months to not hire people to replace people who have quit or have been fired. Lucky for those left we get to work twice as hard. Part of this extra duty involves cashiering and leaving your department for other people to try and take care of.

If there is one thing I can't stand is being a cashier. Its not the job itself, its how the customers, and management treat cashiers. Half the time they don't pay any attention to you, which isn't too bad. The rest of the time in the hood, people treat you like complete crap. Its the best feeling to get sworn at or money thrown at you.

My store has probably the worst design of registers. While cashiering your back is to the aisle where the cart goes through, so if your not careful your butt gets hit by carts of drywall. There is a strange little bump out of about a foot to keep carts from hitting you, but if they are hit with enough gusto the little bump out breaks off hits you just before the cart of crap. With your back to the customers its not the easiest to put the money in the drawer. There is nothing between the cash drawer and the customers, and people like to stand close. Its scary in the hood, mainly because I know that more than a few customers are packing heat. Ooo Ooo, and my favorite, these strange little swinging wall things that fold out to close the lane. In theory they work well, but when you are near the door, they have a tendency to get caught by the wind and again whack you in the backside.

People treat you like you are retarded. Honestly, even the dimmest cashiers have more intelligence than a lot of customers, they can figure out the right change.When you count the wad of crumpled singles they hand you and its not enough money that's when it gets interesting. Today I had a gentleman who was short a dollar for a bunch of candy, and he asked me for the money. When I told him that I would not give him money he got mad and grabbed his money from my hands and walked out. I also had this extra special person try to purchase a wrench without a tag. The problem was that this wrench was from a set and not sold individually. He got mad and went back to the department to get the right one, but when he returned he decided to cut in front of everyone in line. That unleashed a shit storm of trouble. These 3 black dudes got all sorts of pissed off at this little Mexican guy, and he fired right back at them. It was kindof comical to hear screaming in ghetto speak being answered with Spanish.The best line was "Get yo taco bell ass to the back of the line".

People also think you control the pricing. Like as if by magic I decide to tell the bar code that your purple gift bow should be 3 cents more than the red bow your sister bought. I am not the Grinch that charges more based on the items color, I'm just the bitter cashier than doesn't care.

So next time your at a check out, be nice to the poor cashier.